i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
