he shaved USA in his pubs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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