I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
