I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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