I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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