NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Randomize
