dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize