The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
