yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
