I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
