I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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