i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
