Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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