before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize