This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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