so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
