you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
