you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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