420 ftw
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
