I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
