I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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