And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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