a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
