we have pet lesbian snakes
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
