Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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