Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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