Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're a waste of cheezeits
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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