She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we should paint friendship bongs
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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