Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
