Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize