Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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