so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize