just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
