Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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