a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
