what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
