thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
