i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
