four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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