I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize