I wanna bring you to show and tell
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
