Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
