Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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