hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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