Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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