Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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