How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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