didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
