He is like the real live version of the state fair..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
