so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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