JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
