I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
