I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
