Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
