go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I faked an abortion last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
