we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
