Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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