you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
