Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I love you.
Bad choice
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