Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
