I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
