She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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