So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
