Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
