she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize