I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
