Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize