I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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