I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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