sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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