You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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