my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
